I Love Him More Than I Love Myself. Describe.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. 

I Love Him More Than I Love Myself. Describe.

Tajuk entry ini corny sangat-sangat for those who never even been in love with an ajnabi. 

Well, it can be said that i don't expect myself to be in a love state while studying, since i have goals that i need to accomplish and think i alone can do it. Plus, it was more surprising to me that being liked or loved by someone, actually can drive you insane. This had happened to me.

Why is it insane? Of course it is, if you are in this situation and apparently none of them are actually qualified. In this state, definitely, you can turn them down but please do it in a polite way possible. You need to appreciate them for liking you and also advice them that there are still flowers waiting to be asked. That is exactly what i did. And, two out of three of them, actually are taken right now.

BUT! I never turned down/rejected the guy that i currently in love with! 

I have my eyes set on him from the first day we met. It was on 15 Nov 2013, when he came to my Uni for a programme organized by Sekretariat Rukun Negara USM. He is an Alumni from KUIS, so everyone knows him. My eyes set on him because he is kinda have a good look and he is very very very charismatic. He has his own charm. Plus, he can make people laugh. 

He didn't realize my presence because i worked behind the face of the programme. I was in charge for Food and Beverages and normally, people don't look at the person behind a food counter. He said, he only truly saw me during our programme in an orphanage at Banting, Selangor. He decided to greet me by saying, " Yana nampak cantik malam ni." Anddd, i was taken aback because to me he was a total stranger and stranger does not "puji" people. And, my respond was AWKWARD!!! HAHAHA. Whatever.

It was actually a strange greet to begin with but it did not matter because the strange greet would invite another greet. It was actually an effort to get to know someone. So, men out there, DO NOT FEAR! Have courage because you got nothing to lose by saying a simple greet. So, we did another greet thru facebook. And it kind of excites me. Well, because of he had all the criterias of a man that i was looking for. However, it didn't overwhelm me too much since he was a friend and a senior.

Time flew and we were still in contact. I grew interest but not that much. Still not much progress because i wasn't ready for a relationship and i didn't want it to be in that way. Even tho he didn't say it but I can sense that he liked me. He maybe thought me as one of his crush and i was right. HAHA. So, before he confess, i thought that i should stop giving him hopes even tho i have already liked him. 

Here, comes my friend as go-between to drift us apart. And we succeeded. He actually really "terasa" with the way i did it to him and for that, sayang, i am truly sorry until now. I was still not mature and incapable of handling that kind of situation. The situation, whereby i need to, kind of shut someone that i liked and i didn't want to hurt him. It was totally different situation with the one i have mentioned above.  So i sorted out to that solution. He accepted it and sent whatsapp to me that he was sorry for all the troubles he'd caused. Actually, it was heart throbbing to read his words and i, unconsciously uninstalled the app. He kept silent for one whole semester, hold tight to his word that he won't budge me again.

My mother knew all of this story. I started to tell her my story ever since in USM. My mother is always fond of him even before she met him. And i actually knew the reason. It was because he is a Law degree holder. We are easily attracted to an educated person, right. When we "putus kawan", my mother asked me why i did that and i told her that i don't like him. And i really can't be honest to her for this matter. It was really an embarrassing things to say. 

After that, we were in contact again when my mother asked me to invite him to my sis's wedding. From that moment, things went back to normal and we progress a little bit because our relationship's term was not "friend" from the start. HAHA. Long story cut short, he finally confessed after touch down in Subang from Penang. He was so sure to confess even tho i can hear his shaky voice clearly. I didn't mentioned it to him because i didn't want him to be even more nervous. He gathered his courages and i respect him for doing that. Of course i accept him. I believe that loves can be learnt and obtained thru times. And until now, i love him and i will forever, InsyaAllah.

All things that had happened and will happen are to be bound by His willing.